THE House

I fully intended to blog more this year.  I got my yearly Blogs2Print book, and was shocked at home tiny it was.  My goal was to get a bigger book next year... but here it is, the end of March, and I've only written once.  I'm hoping to catch up on that as the year goes on, and as my to-do list around the house starts to shrink... (yeah, right?).

So, where did I leave off?  Oh yes... the house.  Our new, big, beautiful, "forever home" house!  I've been meaning to write about it, but I know that the post is going to be long and I never seem to have enough time to myself.  Today though, I'm sitting in a coffee shop after dropping the kids off with a sitter for a few hours, so, I'm going to try to tackle it.  =)

To start at the beginning... Jacob got a new job across the river in Vancouver back in July 2015.  It is a good job, with a good salary.  However, living and working in two different states caused a few problems.  First, we were still paying income tax for our home state (if we lived in Washington, we would have avoided this) and second, it meant Jacob was driving 1.5-2 hours per day between home work and picking the kids up from daycare.  When he got the job, we talked about moving over the river, but I was still working in Portland and our daycare provider (who we love and cuts us a SUPER deal) was also in Portland--and completely out of the way of what would be our new commute.  Moving would mean that we'd either a) have to find--and pay twice as much for--a new daycare, or b) me quitting my job and staying home.

At that time, I was just a few months in to a new job that had the potential for some advancement opportunities.  I really liked the company that I was working for, and was scared of the emotional and financial strain of being a stay at home parent.  So, Jacob continued with the commute and we kept the status quot.

Fast forward to the middle of August... I applied for a promotion at my job, something that I REALLY thought that I was going to get.  Something that I felt that I'd been kind of groomed to take on.  They offered someone else the position.  No ill will from me, really.  They made the decision that they felt was best for their organization.  However, I was then faced with making a decision that was best for ME.  Since 2009, between two different organizations, I had basically been doing the same work.  After 6 years as a direct service workforce development coach (and another 4 years before that in other direct service social service roles) I was feeling pretty burnt out... especially after being turned down for promotion opportunities twice.

One day in August I was driving home from out of town.  It was a long drive and my mind started to wander.  I started to think about our current situation, our desire to move, and how we could make that possible.  I thought about my job situation and if I wanted to stay somewhere (that I liked) doing work that I didn't for who knows how long... again.  I didn't.  Jacob's new salary is equal to what both of us made combined the year before, and we lived quite comfortably then, so I didn't fear the finance issue too much.  But could I be a stay at home mom?  The more I thought about it, the more I felt a resounding HELL YES.  After years of doing the working mom thing (it was exhausting and really emotionally draining for both me AND Jacob) and realized that I was ready for a new challenge.

When I got home, I talked to Jacob about my thoughts and decisions.  Very shortly thereafter, we called our real estate agent.

After speaking with our agent (who helped us purchase our first home, and would be helping us sell it), reviewing the housing market, and looking at time lines, we decided to find a house first, and make a contingent offer before putting ours on the market.  We didn't want to be stuck without a place to live.  So, armed with a Washington agent referral, we started our hunt for new homes in Vancouver, WA.

We looked at a handful of homes, and they were nice, but nothing was really taking our breath away.  The one that we most liked already had an offer accepted before we left the viewing, so we had to move on.  Since we were driving back and forth after work hours (during rush hour) and on the weekends to view homes (usually with 2 kids in tow), our WA agent decided to check into a few homes on her own and then let us know if she thought we should see them, too.  She had a pretty good sense at that point of what we were looking for and what features we did and didn't like.

One house in particular had one photo on their listing.  The description sounded good, but the single photo (a bad one of the exterior) made us leery about it.  Our agent went out with the intention of taking a look and sending us some additional photos.  Later that evening, she sent us some images with her story... after being assured that the alarm had been turned off, she entered the home... to be greeted by a blaring alarm through the whole house.  She waited for the police to arrive, explained who she was, and then ran through the house taking quick photos, covering her ears, waiting for the alarm to get shut off! lol  Thankfully her aural discomfort was not for loss.  We liked the photos and her description and decided to take a look at it ourselves.

The house was HUGE.  Jacob and I kept looking at each other with a "what the hell will we do with all this space" expressions.  The asking price was a bit above our self-imposed budget.  That and the space abundance were holding us up at first.  But, after seeing other slightly smaller homes with postage stamp sized backyards, we decided to put in an offer.  (side note: when we looked at the house we "surprised" one of the residents who was hanging out in her bedroom upstairs and didn't know that someone was coming to take a look at the house.  We should have taken note about the communication struggles at that point).

We made an offer, contingent on the sale of our home, for slightly under their asking price.  The responded that they would not take anything under asking.  After assessing our finances and what the likely monthly payments would be, we decided to accept the counter offer and pay asking.  Then we called our Oregon agent and pulled the trigger to list our current home.

For the next two weeks we kept our house sparkling clean, and crossed our fingers that we would get an offer and not lose "our" house based on the contingency.

We did NOT get an offer in time.  We prepared paperwork asking for an extension.  Three days after the contingency period ended, we got an offer.  As we had not heard anything back yet regarding our extension request, our agent contacted the sellers and asked to proceed.

They increased the asking price for the home by 10k.  And sure, we could proceed if we were willing to pay that.  Our agent was flabbergasted.  Our offer was the only offer that they'd received on the house.  Why would they UP the price??  Jacob and I had already offered 15k over our "budget", tacking on another 10k made me very nervous... especially since we were going to be on one income after we moved.  After some talk via agents, they lowered it to 5k.  We told them that we could not do that, and that we would have to pass (at this point we were just pissed and thinking about principal rather than dollar signs).

Our agent then took us to view about 6 other homes.  They all sucked in comparison to THE house.  I had gone and gotten attached to that house... something that I told myself not to do.  So much for that.  We had already accepted the offer on our current house, so not only we were in the position that we didn't want to be (on a time line for finding a place or we'd be homeless), but I loved a house that was above our budget... which is the exact same thing that happened to us with our first home purchase.

We decided to take the 5k offer and wrote the sellers a letter pretty much asking them not to be jerks to a young family that really loved their home (a home that they had only been in for about 2 years).  The deal was done and the inspection process started... on both homes.

Our to-be home passed inspections with flying colors.  The inspector even called me to tell me how gorgeous the house was.  The inspection on our current home was not so good.  There were wiring issues, and dry rot, some chimney structural concerns and (the one that grossed me out the most), rats.  Rats??  Rats.  Apparently we had rodents living under our house.  Which surprised me completely.  In the 5 years that we lived there, we saw a mouse... once.  No other signs of any other varmints.  So then negotiations for repairs starts.  Back and forth.  We'll fix this, but not this.  Finally we agreed on the terms.  And then the repairs started.

I feel like I should note at this point that during this whole process I was recovering from pneumonia.  During the initial offer/up the price portion, I was actually e-signing documents from my ICU hospital bed.  The inspections and repairs I was at home on bed rest.

Anyway, we got the repairs done, and the inspector came out to take a look.  They weren't done to his satisfaction.  So we had to get more contractors in to do more things.  Silver lining, because the repairs weren't done on time, we had to extend the closing date on our current home.  Which actually meant that we could make a smooth, single day move from one house to the other... without that, we would have been "homeless" for three days between the two closing dates.

Finally everything was done, movers were booked, boxes were packed, and it was time to sign closing documents.  Our house was sold!  A couple days later we went in to sign for our new home.  It was done!

We thought.

Fast forward to later on signing day... our agent calls us with some bad news.  One of the sellers is out of the country and can't sign his portion of the documents.  Let me note that throughout the whole negotiation process we had to wait, several times, for the husband, a musician to be in town to sign documents.  He was traveling constantly.  Problem is, they didn't tell anyone, THEIR agent included, that he was going to be out of the country during the closing time period.  Again, our agent was livid and so confused.  The wife went in and signed her portion of the documents, and then paperwork was started to give her the proper power of attorney rights to sign for her husband.  Problem is though that this was going to push the closing date out.  And the problem with that is that the movers had already been scheduled and we needed to be out of our old house!

After more conversation via agents, we finally got paperwork that would make us no-charge "renters" of the home before closing was official, which would allow us to move in as scheduled.  On moving day, I drove up to the new house to get the keys while Jacob stayed behind to help direct the movers.  I prayed that nothing would go wrong.  Our agent was there with the keys, and copies of all relevant documents... in case the alarm went off on us or there were any other concerns on our legitimacy to be there (she, as well, was having some trust issues at that point).  She told me then that she'd made a bit of no-no, but that it had worked out in our favor...

Apparently the sellers had wanted to charge us rent for being there before closing.  Our agent sent a text message blasting the sellers and stating that the issue was their fault and not ours, and that they were being greedy and difficult.  Fortunately/Unfortunately, she accidentally sent it to the sellers directly rather than the agent.  They didn't respond, but we received the keys and rental agreement with no further financial discussion.

We got everything moved out/moved in that day.  Aside from waiting for either a) international power of attorney paperwork to get processed or b) the husband to get back in town to sign papers so that would could finally close, we thought that things were done and over with.

But then we realized that we didn't have a mail box key.

Via agents, we heard from the seller that they expected us to change the lock and get our own key like they had.  I called the post office to inquire about this... $40, we needed to provide home purchase paperwork, and it could take a couple weeks.  Plus, we were RENTERS at that point and didn't have the authority to change the locks anyway.  It took us about a week to convince the sellers to give us the damn mailbox key!  I couldn't believe it.  Absolutely ridiculous.  I had to buy a new Halloween costume last minute because my costume for my office party was in the box.  It's petty, I know, but still soo soo annoying!

We closed on the house on Sam's birthday, October 30th.  Four days after we moved in.  After getting the mail situation figured out, I was so glad to be over with it and move on to the fun stuff.  So far we have replaced some flooring, painted some walls, bought some furniture and changed the locks.  ;)

Taking Risks

This post is about 10 months in the making.  I was waiting to write about it until it had an "end"....  it still hasn't reached that point, so here I am, to write what I know, while I still remember it.  =)

Toward the end of my pregnancy with Sam I was 95% certain that I wouldn't be returning to my job.  I hadn't truly been happy there since Emily was born.  I felt that the job (and the commute to get to the job) kept me away from my kids/family too much... and it was just generally a pain the ass anyway.  Riding the max/bus for 2-3 hours each day for five years... I had had enough.  I figured that maternity leave would give me a good chunk of time to look for a new job and get something lined up for when it was time to go back.

Of course, I didn't tell my current job that I wasn't planning to come back.  They were already treating me differently with just their assumptions that I wouldn't be... and I didn't want to risk my benefits, etc., while I was out on leave.

Just a couple of weeks before my maternity leave started, a couple of directors from another, similar program met with boss to talk about how we ran our program and kept things on track in terms of federal required outcomes and such.  My boss, calling me the "data guru" pulled me into the meeting so that I could help answer their questions.  I left that meeting thing, "well... that was dumb" with the knowledge that a struggling program had just heard from my boss that I'm awesome and do a lot to keep the program on track.

Fast forward to December.  I was on maternity leave, and was starting to look for jobs while Sam napped.  I had put out several applications, and decided to e-mail the two directors that I had met with previously.  I let them know that I was looking for something a bit more on a management track, and asked if they had decided to create a management position for their program.  I didn't hear anything back from them, but I did get an interview at another agency as a housing case manager and personal finance instructor.

I nailed the interview.  And the second interview.  They offered me the position, and I accepted.  I was set to start in the middle of January.  I gave my job notice that I wouldn't be returning.

And then I got a phone call from the OTHER program.  They wanted to bring me in for a "meeting".  I agreed.  We met.  We talked about what types of things I'd done for my last job.  They were surprised that I didn't have a more representative title based on the work that I was doing.  They told me about their program and the challenges they were facing with staffing and structure.  They told me that they were still trying to figure out the staffing structure for the program, that they planned to hire on a manager, and that I'd be a great candidate, but that they weren't quite "there" with budgets, etc.  The asked me in what capacity (and for what wage) I'd be willing to work.  They asked if I'd be interested in coming on as an independent contractor for a few months to get the program on track.  I told them that it would be something that I'd consider, but also informed that that I'd already accepted another position so would need to know something/make a decision soon.  They understood and said that they would get back to me the following week.

The "following week" would have been the week of Christmas, and I a week before I was set to start my new job.  I didn't want to be the jerk that gives them less than a week's notice that, "surprise!  The person that you hired for the position isn't going to be showing up on Monday after all!"... and I felt pretty good about the other meeting... and, as Jacob said, I was a lot more excited talking about the possibilities there than I was talking about the case management gig.  So... I took a risk.  Without even hearing back from the potential, short-term independent contractor gig, I turned down the new job... and crossed my fingers.

Thankfully, I was offered the contract position... and, of course, I accepted.  I kicked ass.  I got the program in order, helped them hire a new staff, redesigned the structure of the program and built an entire 3-week employment prep curriculum that has ultimately led to doubling program enrollments.  My boss referred to me as a "God send" on several occasions.  Our federal contract liaison congratulated them on getting me on board.  After the three month stint, they offered me a permanent position as the program coordinator... still not a "manager", and still, really, doing the same work that I've been doing for the last several years, but at least the title and pay were more in line with the duties, so I accepted it.  They continued to tell me that they were going to hire a manager (and that they hoped I'd apply), but that they needed to wait until the new funding year (July) when budgets would be refreshed.  So, I waited.

Last month the manager position opened.  Before I submitted my application I sat down with my boss and asked if she still thought I'd be a good fit for the position.  She did.  I applied.  I interviewed.  I waited.  I didn't get it.  The woman that did get the position has been with the agency for several years and is of the culture that the agency represents (it's a culturally specific organization).  So, I wasn't completely surprised.  My boss told me that it was a hard decision, and that she sees a lot of potential in my and room for growth within the agency.  I was a bit disappointed... both about not getting the position, and also in the fact that it seems that my career has kind of plateaued at the program coordinator/direct service level.

I took many risks when I decided to leave my last position.  And I don't regret a single one of them.  This story hasn't ended the way I hoped or expected it to, but that just means that there are more stories, and more risks to come...

Best Two out of Three

Saw this image on Facebook this evening and felt it was the perfect writing prompt.  =)

I have two full-time jobs (being a mom and working outside the home) and two part-time jobs (unfortunately I think being a wife and taking care of myself fall into this category).  I was not about to take on a third full-time job and try to be a housewife who (somehow) keeps the house running seamlessly as well.  I just don't feel like I can do it without losing myself and giving up any sort of me-time that I can find for self-care. 

Keeping up a house has NEVER been something that appealed to me/that I was any good at.  My mother LOVES to clean.  She'll actually do that as her me-time.  Me?  Nope.  Didn't get that gene AT ALL.  My room as a kid was a mess.  My room as an adult is a mess.  There is just so much more that I'd rather be doing that cleaning the house.

About a year ago Jacob and I made a couple of household-life-change decisions.  The first was that we would hire someone to come in once a month to give our house a nice cleaning.  The second was that we signed up for an online meal planning service.  Both of these decisions have been EXCELLENT.

Now, don't get me wrong, we still clean the house throughout the course of the month between professional visits, we don't live in a pig sty, but that once a month break/deep clean has been great (especially since the cleaner comes when I'm at work so I could home once a month to a spotless house after work and didn't have to lift a finger!).  I feel lucky that this is an expense that we can afford right now.  I doubt we'll be able to keep it up forever, but, for now I'm a happy wife.  =)  (especially when, even days later I run across things that were cleaned unexpectedly... like, for instance, the inside of our kitchen trash can!)

Using a meal planning service has also been amazing.  Before we would shop with no real list (except what we needed for the house), and then it was a constant battle every night after to work to figure out what to cook for dinner.  And we often had the same things over and over again.  And, while Jacob and I are both capable of cooking, I wouldn't say that either of us are particularly creative/adventurous in the kitchen.  In other words, it got a little boring.  Now, we get a weekly shopping list and dinner recipes via e-mail (I signed up for recipes for a family of 4-6 so that I'm sure to have left overs for lunch).  We just have to get to the store (or order from Safeway... we have definitely simplified our life by using that service every now and then, too!), get the things on the list, and then make one of the recipes each night when we get home.  Everything is laid out for us nicely and I don't have to think about a damn thing (except for doing any sort of pre-marinading or crock pot prep work that needs to happen beforehand).  Generally the meals are delicious and include healthy foods that we would not have even known what to do with before.  We've been VERY happy.

If I have to pick the best two out of three of that graphic above, it's going to be happy kids and my sanity every time.  I'm just blessed right now that I have the benefit of making that choice and can afford help in the other area.  I know that others don't have the same luxury, and to those women (and men!) I say "you are amazing."

Wrong Place...

I don't usually write about work.  I try really hard to keep my personal life and my professional life separate.  Today, however, I feel the need to talk about it... since they are starting to collide.

I'm in social work.  I work with "at-risk" young adults.  I really do love my job and the young people that I work with, but, the work is hard and we don't always "win".  It seems like every weekend in Portland someone gets shot, stabbed, commits suicide, or is in some kind of accident..and sometimes they die.  If the news reports that the victim/suspect is in their teens or 20s, I automatically wonder if I know them.  Sometimes, I do. 

In the 8 years or so that I've been doing this kind of work, I can name at least three young people that I have had some kind of a professional connection to who have died (one by their own hand, two others at the hands of someone else), and another who has killed someone.  I have had clients who I knew carried a gun (though was never sure when/if it was on them).  I have been in the same room with another, for several hours, who I didn't know was armed... and who immediately pulled that gun on another youth within a block of leaving our building.  And all of these are just the cases that I know... I'm sure there are many, many more acts of violence that I have no idea about.  Those who are never caught.  Crimes that are never reported.  Street kids who disappear and we never really know why.

This year I have several clients who are graduating from different alternative schools in the area.  One invitation that I received warned that certain colors/clothing would be banned.  Guests were prescreened by administrators against known gang affiliations.  While I chose not to attend that ceremony, I did attend another, this evening.  Two of my clients graduated.  They both gave speeches (one even mentioned me... I was honored).  It was a great ceremony.  But it was the first time that I can remember, that I actual felt fear in a public situation. 

I had no reason to.  There were no "shady characters".  It was a pretty low-key ceremony at an elementary school.  But, after several shootings in Portland this weekend, and the news coverage in Santa Monica, I found myself checking for the nearest exits.  I found myself wondering, if someone opened fire, what I would do.  Would I push my way through the crowd for the nearest exit and run like hell as far as I could away from that school, or would I try to protect someone else?  I knew several of those in attendance.  There were children everywhere.  Seeing those children made me realize that, I feel bad saying this... I think I would run like hell.  Saving myself would save my daughter from losing her mother.  Saving myself would allow me to spend more time with her, to see her grow, to hear her finally say "Mama"... to make her laugh... to run around in the park... to see that big smile while going down the slide.

Our world is dangerous.  I have never really felt "unsafe" while in the confines of work (the youth that we work with take some pride in our programs and I've often feel kind of protected), however the youth that we work with... they have family, friends, peers, enemies, lives in the community... and those lives could very easily overlap with mine.

Someday I could be in the wrong place at the wrong time... and there's very little that I can do about it.

And it Happened...

I've bitched and moaned a lot on this blog about my challenges/struggles/guilt about working full-time and not being able to spend much time during the week with Em, but this has always come from an internal origin.  No one has ever told me that I SHOULD stay home, or that me working was a disservice to Emily.... until last weekend.

Last Saturday the weather was finally decent, so Jacob was out mowing the lawn.  After wandering the house with Emily for a little while, I decided to strap her into the Ergo and go outside to watch her daddy mow, and taken in some fresh air.  While we were out there, one of the neighbor ladies was working in her garden.  After awhile she took a break and made her way over to say hi (really, to coo at Em).  I have had very little interaction with this woman before, but the one time that I did, it was not particularly pleasant, so I'm already not the biggest fan. 

Anyway, she came, said hello and after poking at Emily for a couple of minutes, she said something about how we've lived next door to each other for awhile now, but that she hasn't come to say hello because she works full-time and is rarely home.  I responded that Jacob and I also both worked full-time.  Her response floored me.  It included:

"Oh, but this little girl needs her mother more than that!"

"I raised 5 kids on a single budget."

"My kids still tell me how glad they were to have mom at home when they needed her."

WTF??  REALLY?  The funny thing is, I didn't really get mad or upset about this.... mostly because I was so shocked.  I almost found it humorous that this woman was so oblivious to what she was saying and the effect that it could have been having on me.  I was just amazed.

Our Bodies, Ourselves

Being pregnant... natural childbirth... breastfeeding...  I knew that my body was going to change.  Some things would get bigger, others would start their journey south, colors would change, new marks would appear... I saw it all coming and have dealt with it.  But what I DIDN'T see coming, and what I wasn't prepared for, was the stress and strain to my muscles and joints. 

I have been in near constant pain since I started going back to work (at least, that's when I first really noticed it).  My back, my neck... hurt.  It's gotten so bad that I can only really sit at my computer in the office for about 20 minutes before I feel the need to crack my neck, twist my back and/or get up and take a lap around the office.  (I think it's gotten even worse since I stopped breastfeeding... no longer biologically required to take a break every couple of hours).

At first I blamed all of the pain on the horrible (non)ergonomics of my work station.  I requested a keyboard tray and suddenly it's become a 3-month long process to get the whole office assessed, get the ok from the higher ups to buy equipment, and then specific items found, ordered and installed (I am still waiting on that keyboard tray).

I've tried massage and acupuncture to relieve some of the tension.  Massage feels great at the time and immediately after, but has had no long-term effects... same with acupuncture.. but it didn't feel nearly as good during the process, so I stopped wasting my sick time for those appointments.  My colleague and husband FINALLY convinced me to go to a chiropractor (I admit, I was pretty petrified... the thought of someone cracking my neck scares the shit out of me), but I went... and am soo glad that I did!

Apparently the root of the problem was likely not my office space (though, it definitely is exacerbating the problem), but rather... breastfeeding.  The strain from the position has caused some unwanted side effects that my chiro is now trying to correct with twice-a-week appointments, cracking, ultrasound, soft tissue work, and, most recently, tape.  Yes, you heard me right.  My back/shoulders/neck have been covered in K Tape (as seen on the Olympics) since Monday.  Super weird.  I've been wearing a lot of scarves. lol  But, here's the funny thing, I am starting to feel better.

On Tuesday, the day after my last appointment, my boss brought me a lumbar support pillow to try... and I don't know if it was the pillow, the most recent round of adjustments, or the tape holding my back/neck together... but I felt WONDERFUL.  I felt like my old self.  I had forgotten what that felt like.  On Wednesday I was a little tender/sore from the chiro on Monday (I seem to skip a day before I get sore) but otherwise it was another good day.  Today I was home with a sick baby, so I can't compare for a third day, but still, those last two days have given me all kinds of hope that maybe, someday soon, I won't have to make sure that I have a bottle of pain pills in my desk drawer at all times.  I can't wait!

Our Days

Shannon at From Match to Marriage posted today about what her schedule, as a working mother, looks like during the week... I was VERY happy to see that her schedule looked much like mine... and that housework was nowhere in there. lol

This is what the day looks like in our household:

4:30-6:00- Emily wakes up.  However, after feeding her a bottle and putting her back in her crib, she will USUALLY fall back asleep for another couple of hours.

6:15- My alarm goes off.  I hit snooze.

6:25 - Out of bed and into the shower.

6:25-7:10 - Shower, get dressed, put make up on, brush hair and teeth (I do this pretty quick... sleep is more important to me than doing a good job most mornings).

7:10-7:30 - Try to eat breakfast (try being the key word), check my e-mail, read my blogs/Facebook/etc.... if, of course, I'm not already running late.  =)  Get the diaper bag ready.  Ask Jacob if he's planning on getting out of bed.

7:20-7:30 - Get Emily up (if she isn't already).  Generally Jacob will get her dressed while I do last minute prep and make her a bottle.  If Emily wakes up before this time, Jacob will hang out with her while I get ready... usually this includes the two of them taking a shower.  She LOVES the water and playing in her tub!

7:30-7:40 - All three of us leave the house.  Jacob work bound, me daycare and then work bound.

8:00 - Drop Emily off at daycare.

8:00-8:45 (or 9 if traffic sucks) - Make my way to work.  This usually looks like me driving my car to the MAX and then taking the train into downtown.  Some days I drive, but it doesn't save me any time and (if I don't have a parking spot at work that day), costs more to park.

8:45ish-5:00ish - Work.

5:00-6:00 - Make my way home.  Jacob also gets off work at 5, but since his commute is a bit shorter he stops and picks up Emily on his way home (getting her at around 5:30).

6:00-7:00 - Play with baby time.  This is my ONE HOUR of the day that I can focus on my daughter.  =(  I take advantage.

7:00-7:15 - Put Emily to bed.  Jacob gets her changed and in her PJs while I prep a bottle.  Then he passes her off to me and I feed her and put her in her crib.  She either goes right to sleep or...

7:15-7:30 - Listen to Emily chatter while we make dinner.  =)  If she doesn't go right to sleep when I put her in her crib, she'll talk (loudly) to herself for a few minutes before she passes out.  We don't even need the baby monitor to hear her in there... it's kind of hilarious. =)

7:30-8:30ish - Jacob and I eat dinner together while catching up on some TV.  Sometimes, if I put something in the crock pot for dinner and its ready when we get home, we'll have a "family dinner" around the table and give Emily some food to eat/play with.  It all depends on our meal.**

8:30-10:30ish - Me time (sort of).  This usually includes catching up on FB/blogs/news/etc.  Editing photos (if I've had a shoot recently), watching some of "my" shows (those shows that Jacob could care less about) or doing something silly like loading the dishwasher or folding laundry. =)  (Right now, while doing this, I have a load of laundry in the dryer and another load in a basket that just came out of the dryer... I know these won't get folded any time soon... I'm trying to come to peace with that).

10:30ish - Off to bed... cringing at the thought of starting the whole day over again... I really feel like weekends should be longer than the rest of the "week".

Any sort of housework either occurs on the weekends, or "a little here, a little there" throughout the week.  I have been working on putting together a chore "schedule" to see if that will help us keep things on track as I am getting really frustrated with my house always being gross and not being able to find a shirt I want to wear or a clean pair of socks (because laundry rarely gets folded, and even less likely does it get put away in this house).

Exercise... what's that?  I am NOT waking up any earlier to do it, and by the time I get Emily in bed and eat dinner, the last thing I want to do is go to the gym.  I bought a yoga CD that I like... sometimes I do it.  ;)



**For the last 2-3 months I have been using the meal planning website Menu for the Week.  I LOVE it!  Saves me so much time and I enjoy eating a variety of things (before we started doing this, our menu from one night to the next looked pretty similar).  I also love the fact that it puts a grocery list together for me... so I just print it and go!  Love.

It's a Love - Hate Thing

Why I HATE being a working mother

• During the week, I only see my daughter (awake) for roughly 2 hours a day;
• I have to pump at work;
• I have to find TIME to pump at work
• I have to pump in a bathroom with a really loud fan and terrible lighting
• I can't relax and "let down" enough while at work to get her enough milk to get through the day at day care... my freezer stash is almost gone;
• I'm contemplating supplementing with formula... which is not "bad" by any means, I'm just mad at my own body for failing her/me,
• I don't want to/can't do anything social after work because:
• I want to actually SEE my daughter that day;
• I don't have any extra bottle for Jacob to use to feed her
• I know that I'm going to miss MANY of her "firsts"

Why I LOVE being a working mother

• I get to have my own life outside of the house (this sounds selfish, but I enjoy being "Brittney" from time to time);
• My daughter gets to go to day care and socialize with other kids (she loves it... and sleep really well at night! lol)
• I'm helping to provide, financially, for my family... including good insurance coverage.

Please, help me add to the "LOVE" list... it really needs to be balanced out a bit. =(

Transcript Evaluation? Seriously?

I got my Master degree from a notable university in British Columbia... only about a 6 hour drive from where I now reside.  I BARELY had to cross the border to get there.  Not a big deal... right?

Apparently not so right if I want to someday (or soon?) get a job in the US where I actually need to present my degree as criteria for employment.  Apparently I need to get it evaluated by a US credential evaluation agency.

Has anyone out there in blog-land had to do this before?  Is there one agency that you all recommend over another?  Advice needed, please. =)

Grossness

Two Fridays ago Jacob woke up feeling like shit. 

I KNOW that he was feeling horrible because he called in sick to work.  He NEVER calls in sick/admits that he's sick.  He was sick all weekend and called in to work M-Thur of last week.  All week i did my best to distance myself from him.  We both got a little lonely.  =(  But, I made it through the week and was feeling ok.  I thought that I'd lucked out and beat it.

And then Saturday morning I woke up and had no more illusions that my immune system was that of a God.  I was sick. But, like my husband, I have a hard time admitting it/sitting around and doing nothing.  So, I tried to be productive over the weekend... maybe a good idea, maybe not, I don't know.  But it's day four and I still feel gross... more gross last night/today than I've felt since Saturday.  I hope and pray that 1) it gets better quickly, and 2) I don't go into labor... I can't even IMAGINE doing that while dealing with this!

What sucks more (in my mind) than feeling gross right now, is knowing that I am going through my "sick time" at work right now... meaning that, when I actually do go on my maternity leave in a few weeks, that I won't have as much time saved up, hence, won't be able to "bring in" as much money to help the household expenses while I'm out.  I feel like karma bit me in the butt... and I don't understand why, 'cause I'm a good person! lol

Being sick while pregnant is a whole different can of worms, too.  I don't think that I've slept for more than 2-3 hours in a stretch since Saturday.  I either can't get comfortable, can't breathe, wake up coughing/snoring, or have to pee... and not usually all at the same time.  Which means it goes: Can't breathe, can't fall asleep.  Need to pee... get up.  Get back into bed, can't get comfortable: leg cramp.  Lie there for an hour throwing a tiny temper tantrum, need to pee again.  Come back to bed.  Finally fall asleep.  Wake up coughing.  Need to pee. Get up and the whole cycle starts over again.

I'm so tired...

Today's the Day

This is it.  Today's the day that I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zone and making my most recent project public!

For several years I've been in love with my camera.  I've taken a variety of senior photos and engagement shots for friends and family.  On Thanksgiving, in fact, I took my little brother's engagement photos... and it was then, after I received so many compliments and positive feedback about them that I decided I need to give photography a try from a professional level.  So, for the past week I've spent many hours thinking about it, stressing about it, finally deciding to do it... designing the website and Facebook page for my new photography and design endeavor:  Pure and Simple:  Photography and Design.  I've designed and ordered business cards, purchased my own domain name, worked out a "business" phone number and even invested a nice, new SLR camera... now I just need to see if I can get any business!  =)

I'm a little scared, to be perfectly honest.  I thought about doing this several years ago, and even booked one appointment, but it just didn't go anywhere from there and I kind of gave up.  I have some confidence issues with my work... they always say that you are your own worst critic: it is SOO true!  Thankfully I have an awesome husband and friends/family who have been really encouraging and helpful.  So, it's with their support, that I've put my anxiety on hold and have decided to finally go for it!

I'm excited.  I LOVE photography and really enjoy the opportunity to photograph new people and places.  And, to think that I can actually turn my passion into a way to earn a few extra bucks for my growing family... even better!

In order to help move things along a bit, I have decided to start things off with a couple of specials.  You'll see these along the top of the web page:  25% off all photo sessions scheduled to take place by the end of February, and $15 in cash (or $20 photo/project credit) for every friends that any of you refer who purchases a photo session or design project.  I'm not sure how long the referral reward will go on... I guess we'll just have to see how many people take advantage of it and help me out! =)

Please, take a look around this website, contact me if you have any questions or want to book a session/project, "like" the Facebook page, and pass the links around to your friends.  My family and I would really appreciate it!

(Here's a few of my favorite photos from my photo sesh with my baby brother and his fiance, Jenn, last weekend... P.S.  Jenn has started her own wedding planning blog... I'm sure she would love some more followers/advice/ideas!)

Not the best quality on this one... but i think it's adorable. lol

Long Time No Type...

It's been awhile since I posted.  Just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive.  I took a nice, long four-day weekend last week for no reason what-so-ever except to simple have a vacation where I didn't have to DO anything.  I was planning to blog during that time, but, well, I didn't. =)

It was fantastic to have some time to relax.  Whenever I take a "vacation" from work, it's because I'm actually GOING on vacation.  Which, often times, actually includes more stress than a regular day at the office.  I've been feeling a bit tense the last few weeks (BIG presentation that I had to help put together, then a couple of scary incidents at/around work (not used to finding out after the fact that someone had a gun within 20 feet of me...)).  I decided that, since Jacob and I aren't planning any long summer trips, and I had some vacation time built up, that I would just take a couple days to myself. 

I did some reading... I started the first season of True Blood (can't decide what I think about that show...)... I caught up on some TV shows... I did some shopping that I've been wanting to do but haven't had the time/energy to do on the weekends or after work.  I think I roamed around Big Lots for a couple hours.  I don't know that I've ever actually shopped in that store before.  I will definitely be going back!  I went to visit Jacob on his lunch break at work and we were out for frozen yogurt.  I planted my starter seeds for my veggie garden.

It was a good, good break.

And then I went back to work on Monday.

And Tuesday I was sick.

Still working on getting over this cold, I just hope it's done before the weekend, 'cause I'm hosting Easter dinner for about 2 dozen people and would really like to be able to make it through the meal without a cough attack.

(Though, the coughing did prove helpful today when I was only the phone with a client who I didn't really want to talk to... ;) )

Day Twelve: I Am Me

(This is post is pre-scheduled... currently on my surprise date! Woo!)

30-Day Blog Challenge 

How Do You Think Others View You?

  

Unfortunately I know how others view me, or, at least, SOME others.  Let me explain.

I am a somewhat shy person when I'm around people I don't know and/or don't feel comfortable with.  I don't talk much, I'm more the "observe and assess type".  And, I've been told, my "neutral" facial expression looks kind of sad.  Problem is, that these elements do not seem to express SHY to onlookers... but rather STUCK UP.

When I was in middle/high school, the kids on the bus used to call me stuck up all the time.  And, of course, being the non-confrontational person that I am, I would just ignore them... which, of course, added to their "stuck up" perception of me.  Part of my boss's critiques for me in my one-year evaluation this winter at my current job was a similar comment--worded a lot nicer--but still the same meaning.

I try hard to be outwardly friendly (most of the time I don't know that I'm NOT).  I've gotten a lot better at putting myself out there since I was a preteen, and I get an A+ at acting it for people that I'm NOT around all the time (I have lots of retail experience... it comes in handy for this sort of thing).  But I can't ALWAYS act... thus I relax, and come across as stuck up.

It often seems like I'm being asked to change for other people... which kind of bothers me a bit.  But, alas, I'm trying.

Does anyone else out there have similar experiences?  Or even do people judge/mis-perceive who you are on a regular basis?

30-Day Challenge

Last year around this time Jacob and I declared a "no-spend month".  For the entire month our goal was to not spend any money on anything that we didn't NEED (paying bills, buying groceries, etc. was o.k.--a new pair of shoes or an Old Navy shopping spree was NOT).

This year we have decided to do something similar... however since our focus has shifted from saving money to living a healthier lifestyle, we are having a "calorie count/no-going-out-to-eat month" (however, so that our social relationships don't suffer, we made an exception that if we were invited out, we could go... just couldn't make the invitation or grab something solo).  I'm hoping that by the end of the month we'll both have a better grasp on what we SHOULD be eating and what real portion sizes look like. =)  I have done calorie counts in the past and have dropped some definite poundage... so I'm hoping for similar results as well.

In addition to our food challenge, I also want to start writing/blogging more...  so, I've decided to make this a total self-exploration month and do a 30-Day Blog Challenge... one entry every day for the next thirty days.

There are a bunch of "challenges" around the blogosphere.  I looked at three of them, compared prompts, and picked my favorite 30 that I'll cover over the next 30 days (you can find those lists here, here and here).  I may also throw in some random house posts and maybe some more wedding recaps (does anyone still want to hear about these?).

So, without further ado:  Prompt #1:

A Picture of Myself With Ten Facts

This is one of my favorite photos of myself.  It was taken a couple of years back on a ferry heading out to Vancouver Island in British Columbia... which leads me into my facts:

1. I lived in British Columbia for a year while going to grad school at Simon Fraser University
2. I have both a BA and MA in Criminology - my focus has always been on preventing youth/young adult crime through life skills training
3. I currently work as a case manager for a local social service agency... I'm provide life skills training for youth/young adults... I'm doing what I love and what I believe in.... it feels awesome
4. I'm tall... 5'10"... makes it really difficult to buy pants (as I wear a 35-36" inseam) and slow dance (not many shoulders that I can easily rest my head on)
5. My goal is to see all 50 states before I die.  I'm a little over halfway there... I'm hoping to go to the Dakotas this summer.  Why?  'Cause I haven't been there yet. =)
6. I've spent time in 6 different countries (U.S., Canada, New Zealand, Australia, France, England)... I want to add some more to that list as well.
7. My first paid job was at age 12 as a writer for the local newspaper.  I wrote monthly columns for their "20Below" section (part of the paper written, photographed and illustrated by staffers under 20).  I was the youngest person EVER (before and after my term) on the staff.
8. I've been maced before... by my aunt!  It was an accident, but still funny to tell people. ;)
9. I have a phobia of people/things tampering with my (or other people's) veins.  It sounds weird, but it's true.  For the most part I can handle blood and guts... but if the story or personal experience has to do with a slashed or severed limb, or a blood draw or IV of any sort, chances are pretty good that I will either pass out or have to leave the room/end the conversation.  I passed out an had a small seizure the last time I got hooked up to an IV.  It's bad.  My doctor gave me anti-anxiety medication before I went in for my last blood draw. lol
10. I love chocolate... especially in ice cream.  That's going to be the hardest thing to conquer this month... not being able to gorge myself on Tillamook or Umpqua (but, in all honesty, they are partial to blame for my current situation! lol).