Beware of Bronchitis

There were two thing that I had planned/hoped to write about before the end of 2015... the adventure of purchasing our second home (hoping to get to this soon!) and my 3-day stay in our local ICU.  Unfortunately, neither of these got written and posted in time to make it into my 2015 blog book (which I ordered today!), but better late than never, right?

On September 13th I headed to the beach for a work related conference.  I was SOO looking forward to three nights of "mommy vacation" in a quiet room and a bed to myself.  Plus, this was my third trip to this conference, one that I have enjoyed every year, so I was pumped.

I arrived at the hotel, checked into my room, headed to the restaurant to grab some dinner and a glass of wine, and started to feel a bit "blah".  Thought for sure that I'd just picked up another daycare cold and that I'd suffer through it.  The next day, Monday, I felt awful.  I made it through the day, but left the last session early to go rest.  I ordered room service for dinner.  A bowl of clam chowder and a roll... which would last me for the next two days of meals.

Sick in my beautiful, coastal hotel room

Tuesday I went down to the conference for breakfast, but had to leave about half an hour into the first keynote session... and spent the rest of the day in bed with what I'm assuming were chills and aches from a fever.  Wednesday morning I didn't even try.  I just got out of bed, packed up my stuff, and drove home... hoping that I could make it back safety.

On Thursday I went to the doctor.  He looked, listened, etc, etc. and told me that I had Bronchitis.  He pretty much told me that I had to suffer through it and that it would go away eventually.  BUT if I got symptom A, B, or C to come back.  I never got any of these additional symptoms, but by Monday I was still feeling AWFUL.  I could barely move, I had an awful cough, I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep all day.  By this point I had been out of work for a week.  My daughter was getting a bit scared (she cried one morning and told my husband how much she missed her mommy).  So, that morning we dropped off the kids at daycare and I had Jacob take me to Urgent Care for a second opinion on this whole Bronchitis thing.

I don't know how long we waited in the waiting room.  As I mentioned, I just wanted to sleep.  I may have very well fallen asleep.  Everything around this stage in the story is a bit foggy.  When we were called back they did the usual scale, blood pressure, check oxygen level thing... but something wasn't right.  They checked my oxygen twice (I think with two different devices) and then called an ambulance.  With in minutes I was hooked up to an oxygen tank, in a hospital gown, on a gurney in the back of an ambulance headed to the ER.

Turns out that I had developed pneumonia and was in "respiratory failure" (this bit was not made clear to me until after I was released from the ICU).  My oxygen levels were in the mid-80% range.  Hospital staff refused to let me move for about 24 hours as every time I did my levels decreased.  I had a nose tub oxygenation device AND a face mask for the first day/night.  The doctor told me that if my levels didn't increase that they would have to intubate.  I took LOTS of deep breaths after that point and thankfully it never came to that.  But that first night was awful.  I couldn't sleep with all of the oxygen being pumped into my nose and mouth.  Plus I still had a horrible cough and "waking up" coughing in the middle of the night with a mask on your face leads to some real claustrophobic type of feelings.

View from the ICU

By the middle of the second day I was off of the face mask and finally walking around a little bit.  My oxygen levels had reached the mid-90% range, but I still had to wear my nose tubing while they slowly decreased the amount of oxygen that was getting pumped into me to make sure that my lungs were fully capable of working on their own.  The second night I only had to "sleep" with the nose tubes.  I was thankful.

Day three, I started walking up and down the halls with my nurse.  The nose tubes were removed and I was steadily breathing on my own again.  My oxygen levels stayed up there and so that doctors agreed that I could be discharged from the ICU and moved to a "regular" hospital room... where I spent my last night and got to take a shower (Hallelujah! I will never again to Urgent Care without taking a shower first!).

I was discharged the following day (Thursday) and was pretty much on bed rest for another week.  In the end, I was out of work for 3 weeks... and probably should have stayed out longer.  It took much more time than that for my lungs to strengthen up again (I had to skip another 5k that I'd signed up for, and put my workouts on hold for about 2 months while I recovered), plus, I lost about 15 pounds... in a week... and was really, really weak.  I have also been told that now I am more susceptible to developing pneumonia in the future, so that I have to be extra careful and cautious when I get ill.  I may end up buying myself one of those finger tip oxygen reader things... I don't want to ever repeat that experience again!

Goodbye hospital bed!

I was so thankful for Jacob and our child care provider during this whole process.  Jacob worked remotely from the hospital room in the mornings and then went to the office in the afternoons... and then came back in the evenings.  Our daycare provider kept the kids for two overnights so that Jacob could be there with me.  I was so thankful for that.  It gets pretty lonely in the ICU, especially when you don't really know/understand what's happening to you or how bad of a situation you are in.

When the nurse in my "regular" room told her colleague at shift change that I had been "admitted in respiratory failure" I'm sure that my heart skipped a beat.  I hadn't known that things were that bad... seeing an 80% reading on an oxygen monitor doesn't mean anything to a lay-person... at least, not to this one.

Facing My Fears!

This is by far not the most important of blog posts in terms of the catch up that I'm trying to do, but I think it is definitely worth including...

I got a tattoo!

For some, this is no big deal, for me, it is a HUGE accomplishment and milestone of me facing some pretty big fears.

I have been terrified of (some) needles for a very, very long time... almost phobic (my doctor's have actually prescribed me anti-anxiety medications before to assist with the need for blood draws/testing).  Ever since I was a kid, getting a blood draw (or other intrusive needle jabbing)--and sometimes just the THOUGHT of it--was usually accompanied by a fainting spell.  Passing out in doctor's chairs, car passenger seats, my dentists chair, a pre-op hospital bed, health class (yup...), while watching medical shows on TV... it was definitely a "thing".  One of my biggest concerns about ever getting pregnant was the sheer number of pre-natal blood tests and being connected to an IV in the hospital.

Over the years, I have figured out ways to combat my anxiety around this and have discovered different coping mechanisms that help.  But getting in front of a needle is not exactly my idea of a good time (I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 25... AFTER getting my nose pierced as my quarter-century birthday-present-to-me/act of personal rebellion... I figured it was just one hole/needle rather than two! lol).

That being said, I have been thinking about getting a tattoo for YEARS.  In fact, a few months before I made the consultation appointment with the artist I got a Timehop flashback from FOUR YEARS AGO saying something around the lines of "I really want to get a tattoo!" =)  I figured that it was time. 

I'd been thinking about what I wanted for a pretty long time, and had been searching around Yelp/Google/Reviews/etc for artists and shops in the area... but I just hadn't pulled the trigger.  Then, a friend of mine got the name of an artist that she thought would do a good job... and Jacob said that he would finally get "his" tattoo, too!  So, we made it a sort of 5-year wedding anniversary adventure and gave up our tattoo virginities at the same time.  =)

I had a pretty good sense of what I wanted from my tattoo, but needed something designed.  I am very happy with the results!  The image is a floral "timeline".  The first flower, the Morning Glory, is a birth month flower for September (both Jacob and I were born in September), the Sunflower was our wedding flower.  The Sweet Pea ins April's flower (Emily's birth month) and the orange flower, a Cosmos (or could also double as a marigold, is for October, when Sam was born.

Jacob had a friend design his (based on line art that he had already created).  The symbol signifies a childhood nickname.  And also his online gaming persona.  ;)

Overall, I am very happy with the final products.  And am happy to report that I didn't pass out AT ALL!  That is a HUGE win!  It went so well (and didn't hurt nearly as much as I was expecting), that I'm already wondering what my next one will be.  ;)

False Alarm =(

Last night I started to feel kind of weird.  Around 8:00 in the evening I started to feel some "indigestion" (kind of like how I feel when I eat too much dairy), but I didn't think I had any reason to be feeling that way... and "that way" is very similar to how I felt right before I realized that I was in labor with Emily.  So, I put myself on alert and started to pay close attention to what was going on with my body.

Around 10:30 I was still feeling "weird", but nothing really special.  Some slight cramping, but nothing regular to time.  So, after filling in our doula and making sure that Jacob's mom (who would be coming over to hang out with Emily when I go into labor) was on stand by, I decided to go to bed and try to get some sleep.  By that point my lower back/tailbone area was a bit achy, but nothing too out of the ordinary.

Somewhere around 2:00 am I woke up.  Not really sure why I woke up, but I realized that I was having contractions.  Not the Braxton hicks ones that I've been having for weeks, but actual contractions (and in the FRONT this time.... I was so realized as the entire time I was in labor with Em the pain was in my back).  I clocked them for about 20=30 minutes, trying to decide if it was the right time to wake up Jacob and get the ball rolling.  They were coming at about 4 minutes apart.  They weren't overly painful, but they were definitely there.  Jacob finally shifted/rolled over, giving me the opportunity to wake him up NOT from a dead sleep and the ball went into motion.

Last minute hospital bag stuff was packed, Nana was called to come over, pull out bed was made for her, doctor and doula were both informed of the situation.  Left for the hospital.  Still having contractions, still not overly painful, but there. 

We got to the hospital a little after 3:00 AM and got check in to a room.  I got gown-ed up and the monitors were attached to my belly.  The monitors were picking up the contractions, but they had backed off and were irregularly coming 5-8 minutes apart.  The nurse check me out and my cervix was still REALLY high, and I was barely dilated. 

One of the most disappointing feelings in the world to be sent home from the maternity ward.  I was definitely HAVING real contractions, they just weren't progressing anything else, so we were told to go home, get some rest, and monitor my progress.  I managed to get a couple hours of sleep when we got home, and by the time I got out of bed around 8:00 AM, the contractions stopped. 

So, so, so bummed out right now.  =(  I'm 39 weeks and SIX DAYS... it's TIME.  =P

Everything's OK

"Our pathologist has found that the lesion removed from your arm is benign.  There is no Cancer."

I got the call during a meeting at work and had to let it go to voicemail.  For the next hour all I could think about was listening to the message. 

Checking my messages after work was when I finally started to panic a bit.  "What if something IS wrong?"  I hadn't allowed myself to go there.  I just focused on the step-by-steps (doctor's appointment, surgery, waiting for the call) and never really thought about the "what ifs".  

I was SO thankful when I heard the message.  I sent Jacob a text, I called my mom... everything is ok.  I didn't screw something up by waiting so long to get the "thing" on my arm checked out.  I wasn't going to need to worry about more "next steps" (except getting the stitches out next week).

When the doctor told me a couple of weeks ago that this "thing" on my arm (that I've had for years) looked like it could be the beginning of cancer (though, not the "bad kind"... what, exactly is the "good" kind of cancer?) I put all of my fear aside and set things in motion.  I scheduled surgery and tried not to think about it for a week.  I laid on a table while they dug into me and cut out a chunk of my arm (and I didn't pass out!  That, in itself is another win!).  And then, for two days, I did my best not to think about the what ifs.

I never, ever want to have to do that again.

Relay for Life!

Didn't occur to me until just now that I never shared our adorable photos from the Eugene Relay for Life a few weeks back.  This was Emily's second Relay, but she was so young last year she slept through most of it.

This year, she couldn't wait to don her tie dye and put some laps on those little legs... and then chill out and cuddle with a teddy bear for awhile. lol

Relay for Life

This will be the 3rd year (and 4th relay!) that Jacob and I have participated in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.  Cancer has been a pretty big part of my life since I was about 12 and both my uncle and grandfather were diagnosed. 

I have come to terms with the fact that, with my family medical history, cancer is not a question of "if" but rather "when".  With grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, and uncles on both sides of my family having to deal with this disease, I find myself bracing myself... and doing what I can to help the cause.

It would mean so much if any of you out there in blogland would like to donate a few bucks in the fight for a cure.  When the "when" does occur for me, you, your family member or a friend, let's work together so that the chances are survival are no longer an "if" but a "when" (and a "win!")

Eugene Relay 2012

Did her part, wore herself out!  =)

Our Bodies, Ourselves

Being pregnant... natural childbirth... breastfeeding...  I knew that my body was going to change.  Some things would get bigger, others would start their journey south, colors would change, new marks would appear... I saw it all coming and have dealt with it.  But what I DIDN'T see coming, and what I wasn't prepared for, was the stress and strain to my muscles and joints. 

I have been in near constant pain since I started going back to work (at least, that's when I first really noticed it).  My back, my neck... hurt.  It's gotten so bad that I can only really sit at my computer in the office for about 20 minutes before I feel the need to crack my neck, twist my back and/or get up and take a lap around the office.  (I think it's gotten even worse since I stopped breastfeeding... no longer biologically required to take a break every couple of hours).

At first I blamed all of the pain on the horrible (non)ergonomics of my work station.  I requested a keyboard tray and suddenly it's become a 3-month long process to get the whole office assessed, get the ok from the higher ups to buy equipment, and then specific items found, ordered and installed (I am still waiting on that keyboard tray).

I've tried massage and acupuncture to relieve some of the tension.  Massage feels great at the time and immediately after, but has had no long-term effects... same with acupuncture.. but it didn't feel nearly as good during the process, so I stopped wasting my sick time for those appointments.  My colleague and husband FINALLY convinced me to go to a chiropractor (I admit, I was pretty petrified... the thought of someone cracking my neck scares the shit out of me), but I went... and am soo glad that I did!

Apparently the root of the problem was likely not my office space (though, it definitely is exacerbating the problem), but rather... breastfeeding.  The strain from the position has caused some unwanted side effects that my chiro is now trying to correct with twice-a-week appointments, cracking, ultrasound, soft tissue work, and, most recently, tape.  Yes, you heard me right.  My back/shoulders/neck have been covered in K Tape (as seen on the Olympics) since Monday.  Super weird.  I've been wearing a lot of scarves. lol  But, here's the funny thing, I am starting to feel better.

On Tuesday, the day after my last appointment, my boss brought me a lumbar support pillow to try... and I don't know if it was the pillow, the most recent round of adjustments, or the tape holding my back/neck together... but I felt WONDERFUL.  I felt like my old self.  I had forgotten what that felt like.  On Wednesday I was a little tender/sore from the chiro on Monday (I seem to skip a day before I get sore) but otherwise it was another good day.  Today I was home with a sick baby, so I can't compare for a third day, but still, those last two days have given me all kinds of hope that maybe, someday soon, I won't have to make sure that I have a bottle of pain pills in my desk drawer at all times.  I can't wait!

Two Months!

Today marks Emily's 2-month "birthday"... in a way, I can't believe it's been two whole months already, but, in another way, some days it feels like much, much longer! lol

This month Emily has found her tongue (making for some funny facial expressions!) and her thumb (we have a sucker!).  We can hear her slurping on her thumb at night through the baby monitor.  It's pretty cute. =)  She's also been SOOO smiley!  It's amazing to see her smile now that 90% of them are "real".  I love when I walk into a room and she sees me and her eyes light up and she grins.  I like to think she has missed me as a whole, and not just the milk production!  =)

This month I have also gone back to work.  I finished my second week on Thursday.  I'm feeling pretty lucky to be back only part-time for a couple of months to "ease" everyone into the transition.  And lucky to have Nana and Grandma offer to babysit for these first two weeks.  Emily will start day care with a close family friend next week.  We really have been lucky in this.  Being back to work has been hard, but I think less so than if I were leaving Em with strangers.  The hardest part for me right now is just finding time in my day to pump... and a comfortable place to do so.  (I am currently locking myself in a bathroom three times per day).

Also, yesterday was Emily's 2-month pediatrician appointment.  She is just over 12 lbs and 23 inches... around the 75th-90th percentile for both.  The doctor said that she is healthy and doing fantastically. =)  I know... my daughter is perfect. ;)

Yesterday's appointment was also all about the vaccines... one oral and THREE shots in the thigh.  Absolutely broke my heart!  She screamed.  We saw actual tears (for the first time for me).  She slept for a couple of hours when we got home, but them she screamed all over again.  One of her perfect little thighs was so red and swollen.  We gave her some baby Tylenol and put a cool washcloth on it.  As I was cuddling and rocking her, she looked up at me with this hurt, confused look in her teary eyes that seemed to say, "Why did you let me get hurt?"  I'm crying again now just thinking about it....

Thankfully, this morning she is back to smiles and happy eyes.  Thank God.  I don't know if I would have been again to handle another look like that...

Yes, I know, the bear is on the wrong side... this will be corrected next week! lol

3 Weeks Down!

Today marks three weeks from the day that Emily finally greeted us.  In those three weeks I have a learned a lot about biology... both her's, as well as mine.

1. Babies apparently start out with teenage hormones.
• Baby girls experience a small "period" shortly after birth.  We were told this several times before we left the hospital, but were still freaked out a couple of days later when it actually occurred... there was more blood than we anticipated.  We called the pediatrician and were told not the fret, that all was normal.
• Babies get acne.  I knew this, but still I feel bad for Emily right now.  She's got a sort of "pizza face" sort of situation going on right now.  I told Jacob that I felt bad for her... his response, "Why?  She's not as vain as the rest of us right now... give her 12 or 13 years".
2. Not all babies "coo"... some grunt.
• Emily has something known as "Grunting Baby Syndrome".  Apparently this is a real thing... she makes a LOT of noise, a LOT of the time, as though she is constipated.  Apparently this is just her reaction to her inability to figure out how to control her own bowel movements.  She grunts, holds her breath, gets red in the face, and "pushes"... over and over and over again.  Again, the doc says that this is normal and that she's grow out of it.  Granted, it has provided Jacob and I a fair amount of humorous entertainment (she makes some FUNNY noises), but I still feel bad for her.  Our doctor told us that we could "help" by holding her legs up to her torso.  This does "help"--and Jacob gets all kinds of guy-like entertainment out of making her fart over and over and over again.  
3. Little girls can make "fountains" as well.
• 'nough said.
4. Breast milk can come out in spurts... not drips.
• The first time I "leaked" I actually saw it come out... I was more than a little shocked at the power behind my lactation. lol
• Doing a little Googling, I found this information about Forceful Let-Down... I am self-diagnosing myself with this.  Which is interesting as my mother had the opposite problem with me.
5. Speaking of breast milk, some people leak, some people don't and some people (read: this person) can't figure out which category they fall into.  
• I have had a wet-situation maybe half a dozen times... in three weeks.  I do not see this as worth wearing disposable protection every day (as I'm less likely to need them then not), but I also don't want to get stuck in an embarrassing situation. 
6.  Feet swell... AFTER delivery!
• I had a little bit of a swollen foot problem when I was pregnant, but I didn't know how bad it would get after I had actually delivered!  One of the OBs that checked in on me while I was recovering told me "It's going to get worse before it gets better".  And he was right!  I had a hard time walking for about a week since I couldn't really bend at the ankle.  It was HORRIBLE!

I'm sure that I could come up with some more weird biological stuff, but, for now, this will conclude my list (my little one is grunting again and I need to go "help" her with some comical "tooting").

What other weird stuff can all of you other mother's add?

P.S.  Here is the obligatory 3 week growth photo. =)

Emily's Birth Story

Emily's birth story begins and ends with poop.*

Warning:  There WILL be TMI in this post... so, it's all on you now if you choose to read further!  =) 

Last Sunday (I can't believe it's been a week already!) Jacob and I were home after an afternoon of driving through the gorge, having a picnic lunch and then doing some work around the house.  The day had been gorgeous and we were truly taking advantage of the beautiful weather.  That evening after dinner I started to feel a little "off".  I felt kind of constipated, even though I had been pretty "regular" the previous days.  I've suffered from the same thing many times during the course of the pregnancy and so I have a jug of prune juice in my fridge as a precautionary measure (I HATE the stuff... but it seems to work).  So, I chugged some of the juice, tried not to chuck it back up again (like I said, I REALLY hate the stuff. lol) and went about my evening (visiting the restroom several times to see if anything would "happen").

At about 10 PM I got a pretty sharp pain in my lower back (again, much like a gas/digestive issue would have caused me).  I didn't think anything of it and went to lay down on the futon in the office to hang out with Jacob who was playing some computer game.  But then it happened again.  I asked Jacob what time it was.  He told me.  Four minutes later I got another pain.  I told Jacob what was going on and we started clocking their frequency and duration for the next hour... as the pain got substantially worse.  They were coming roughly 4 minutes apart, lasting more than a minute.  Jacob started scurrying around trying to get the last minute "hospital bag" items and things for himself.  I started calling the on-call OB at my doctor's office and texted our doula, Kristen.  At 11:00 PM we got into the car and drove to the hospital.  Me PRAYING that I was actually in labor and wasn't just having back gas pains.  (I was still just feeling the pain in my back.  Nothing coming from the front/uterus area and nothing that felt like menstrual cramping... which I had heard contractions compared to before).

We got to the hospital, checked in and set up in a labor/delivery room, Jacob took one last "pregnant" photo of me... and that is when the prune juice decided to kick in.  Hard.  =(

By now it was about midnight on Sunday/Monday and not only was I still having pretty horrible back pains, but now I had diarrhea, too!  This was NOT a pleasant experience.  Jacob helped by applying some pressure to my lower back as the pains came, but could do little for me when I was laboring while on the toilet, too... except stand outside the door asking, "are you alright?" lol

When the nurse came in to get me set up with the monitors, she confirmed that I was actually feeling contractions and was in labor.  As happy as I was that it was finally happening, I was wishing more than a little bit that I could just stay pregnant a while longer!  The pain I was experiencing was no joke it was just getting stronger.

I lasted until roughly 4:30 or 5:00 AM suffering through the horrible back labor naturally (and visiting the bathroom every few minutes).  At that point I was in so much pain that I finally requested some assistance with the pain.  The nurse suggested a shot of morphine and something else that would allow me to get some sleep/rest between contractions.  I tried it.  It didn't work.  I asked for the epidural.

Jacob and I had discussed how we wanted to birth to go and created a loose "birth plan" with our doula.  I wanted to try to go au natural as long as possible, but didn't want to completely cut out an epidural as a pain management option.  Jacob was a little more leery about using any sort of "medically unnecessary" intervention, including drugs for pain.  I knew this, and I felt really, really bad wanting to get one.  I probably put off asking for the epidural a lot longer than I would have had I not felt like I was going to disappoint Jacob.  But, at the same time,  I had now been in labor for more than 7 hours and was already 6 or 7 centimeters dilated (I can't remember exactly where I was at this point).

The epidural wasn't bad.  The initial local anesthesia pinched a bit, but compared to what I was going through, it was nothing.  At a little after 5:30 on Monday morning, I finally had some relief and Jacob, myself and our doula (who arrived just as they were giving me the epidural) were able to get some sleep.

For the next several hours I was pretty much out of it (I think the morphine was finally kicking in).  My doctor and several nurses made appearances to check on me.  I was dilating nicely and things were progressing.  Kristen (doula) made a guess that I would have the baby by 1 PM.

Well, 1 PM came and went.  I slept.  We waited. I continued to dilate (I was about 9.75 cm at that point).  My water still had not broken on it's own.  My doctor had told me that morning that it wasn't a big deal if my water didn't break and that we could continue to wait on it and/or have it broken manually.  We chose to wait as long as we could to see if it would break on it's own.

Around 2ish (I think... I was still pretty out of it at this point), I had not dilated any more.  My doctor was called and two possible "solutions" were given.  She could either come in and break my bag of waters, or the nurses could start pitocin.  As Jacob and I REALLY didn't want to use pitocin (we were pretty scarred after watching The Business of Being Born) we elected to have my water broken.  My doctor came in, checked me out (still about 9.75 cm), broke my water, and inserted an internal monitoring device to get a better feel for the strength of my contractions (it was not the monitor that attaches to the baby's head... I can't remember what it was called, but it didn't even touch the baby).

My doctor then left me with the nurses to "labor down".  Unfortunately, there was a bit of a side effect to my water breaking... for some reason I was starting to feel back pain again.  It was not nearly as bad as before, and I was told to be on the look out for "pressure" that would signify that it was time to start pushing, so I tried not to think too much into it.

After about an hour of "laboring down", there had been no progress (I wasn't feeling the urge to push) and my contractions were getting farther apart.  By this point I was REALLY feeling the back pain again, and made it known, however was told that feeling my contractions may actually be a GOOD thing in terms of getting the baby out.  After consulting the doctor, the nurse started me on some "practice pushing" to get an idea of how to do it, and to see if we could get the little one to descend any further.  (Side note:  I don't know if I ever actually pooped on the table like you hear so many women do (and I don't really care to know), but I do know that my nurse didn't keep up too well on keeping my bladder empty and, when I started to "practice" ended up urinating all over the table. =P  Lovely).  I pushed and pushed and was making very little progress as my contractions were getting farther apart.  Again, I was given two choices on how to proceed: 1) They could turn down my epidural and see if that helped the contractions or 2) they could start pitocin.

This was a HARD choice for me.  I already felt like my epidural was wearing off and I REALLY didn't want to experience the level of pain that I was feeling 12 hours prior to that point, but we were also very scared of pitocin.  Jacob and I asked for a few minutes to talk about it with our doula.  Due to my fears concerning the pain, and the fact that I was already dilated to 10 cm by that point and just needed the extra "push" (pun intended) that we would go for the pitocin.  Had it been earlier in the labor process I probably would have pushed to wait, but it was time to get our little girl out and my body wasn't doing it on it's own (which, in turn was stressing out the little one--her heart rate was taking longer and longer to get back to "normal" after each push/contraction).  So, we called the nurse back in, the pitocin started, and I started pushing, for real.

I honestly don't know what time my doctor showed up during the pushing process.  I was otherwise engaged and wasn't watching the clock. =)  I pushed and pushed and pushed.  The baby was having a really hard time making it's way around my tail bone.  I kept hearing things like, "you must be having a big baby!" and Jacob say something about how he was born with a huge head** (P.S.  this is something that I would have liked to know BEFORE so I could have prepared myself for a kid with a ginormous noggin!).  Still, I kept pushing.

Birthing a baby is a WEIRD sensation.  Especially when you can feel the thing crowning and you're just laying there waiting for another contraction to come so that you can push again.  For lack of a better metaphor, it's like wearing a big maxi pad and feeling this large presence between your legs. lol  Really, really weird.

Finally, during one contraction/pushing moment I suddenly heard several voices saying "stop pushing, stop pushing!"  So, I did.  I really wasn't with it enough to realize what was going on.  My doctor was scurrying around her little table of supplies and I just laid there, waiting.  Finally another contraction came and I was encouraged to push... and suddenly, at 6:47 PM on Monday, April 23rd (just shy of 21 hours of labor), I had a slimy, crying baby lying on my chest.

I started to cry then.  A LOT.  I was so tired and had so many emotions/hormones taking my body over.  I cried and cried and cried.  I heard several people making exclamations about how impressed that they were.  It seemed a little over the top and I didn't really comprehend what they were saying/getting at.  Finally I got myself together enough for our first family photo, to really take a good look at my daughter (which I confirmed that she WAS a girl very shortly after her appearance into this world!), to deliver the placenta, and to find out that my baby had indeed been posterior... which completely explains all of the back pain I was having (which my nurses/doctor kind of ignored).  Apparently, this position during birth is very uncommon and, more often than not, babies in a posterior position are delivered via C-section, so, the fact that I did it vaginally was something to celebrate.  (My doula told me that even the nurses a the nursing station were talking about it later, much like recapping an awesome football play).

My doctor had some difficulty getting the placenta out and I think that it was more painful that it usually is (she suggested that I click my manual epidural button... but I wanted to get over the drugs as quickly as possible and didn't want to add another dose).  But finally she was done and was stitching me up (I had a 2nd degree tear... which she told me was normal.  I didn't really care at that point, I just wanted to be done with the whole process!).

After all was said and done, and the room was starting to get cleaned up, the nurse was doing her initial evaluation of our little one as she laid on my chest.

You know how I said at the very beginning that this story starts and ends with poop?  Well, it was at that moment that our sweet little Emily decided to rebel for the very first time, and, also for the first time, relieve her bowels... all over her mother's chest. =P  The nurse got Emily up and into her father's arms, and quickly started to clean me up and help me change into another (clean) gown.

Welcome to motherhood! lol

* This account is completely from my own recollection.  I was pretty out of it for awhile and not sure that I remembered the specifics particularly well... but I did what I could. =)

**  I did, in fact, NOT have a huge baby.  She weighed in at 7 lbs., 6 oz. and 21 inches long.  Perfect. =)

Emily Janette

Hey everyone!  Just wanted to post a quick update and let you all know that Emily Janette FINALLY made it on Monday at 6:47 pm.  It was a long labor (about 21 hours), but everything went smoothly in the end with only a few bumps and bruises along the way. =)  We are all home now and doing well.

More photos and the birth story are sure to come later!  For now, it's time to sleep and get accustomed to this unusual new lifestyle! =)

What I Thought I Knew

I've always been a fan of school.  Even after I graduated with my BA I kind of missed it... so I went back.   I'm a bit of a nerd like that. =)  So, when we found out that we were having a baby, I wasted no time is checking out the classes offered at the hospital where I'll be delivering (and where I get a discount on said classes with my health insurance!).  I signed up for a 4-week child birth prep course, and two single-day classes in newborn care and breast feeding.

When I pictured a child birth prep class I had images in my head that I must of picked up from TV and the movies.  Mom's on the floor sitting on a pillow leaning up against Dad who is coaching her through breathing techniques. (You know what I'm talking about!) I wasn't really sure how this could possibly last for four weeks.  Thankfully, that stereotypical images was FAR from what we experienced!

While the class did cover some relaxation and breathing techniques, we also learned all about stages of labor, when to go to the hospital, what to be looking for/thinking about when your water breaks, all about different pain medications and birthing positions, as well as other items/procedures that may come in to play in the delivery room.  It was VERY informative and I was VERY happy that we took the class.  (Our last class was last Thursday, and we also got to take a tour of the maternity ward so we knew where to go when the time comes and I could see where I'd be spending a couple of days).

The problem with the class (and watching a movie that SOO many of my friends recommended:  The Business of Being Born), is that it started to make me rethink everything that I thought I knew and wanted.  I am NOT a fan of being in pain.  I always thought that I'd go in, get an epidural, pop out a kid and everything would be a-okay.  I also kind of thought that if the baby didn't come within a couple days of her due date, that I'd just make an appointment for an induction.  Now, however,  I am seriously considering trying to do this thing naturally.  I am NOT closing off the option to get an epidural, but I have down in my birth plan, that I'd like to try other things first and see how long I can go without needing one.  And, as far as induction goes, I know that it could become "medically necessary" but the idea of using pitocin scares the beejeezus out of me!

This new change in my thought process is super scary for me.  I'm one who likes to be in control of things and be able to ask questions/understand answers.  I know that when I'm in labor I'm going to have to totally give myself over to the experience and trust others to ask questions and help me make decisions.  Enter our doula.  Yes.  We decided to go with one.  Jacob really liked the idea of having someone with training by our side the whole way, and someone who could explain things/advocate for us when we're otherwise occupied. =)

Our due date is only a few short weeks away... I'm getting more and more scared/nervous/panicky/fill-in-the-blank as the days go on.  Of course I'm excited/curious/anxious, too, but I feel like the less-positive emotions are taking the bigger toll on me right now.

And now I feel like I've been rambling and totally gotten off track from my original point... I loved my child birth class.  I suggest taking one.

Question For the Mothers

Since I've moved to a different part of town (and didn't really care for my last doctor) I'm going to be getting myself a new, more accessible primary care physician.  There is a Providence clinic pretty near by, and I've pulled up their website and looked at the different bios for a few different female doctors who also specialize in obstetrics (since I know I'll be needing it relatively soon).  I am down to two potentials.  My question for you is, as I soon would like to start planning a family, and will have (I'm sure) a LOT of questions, how important is it that my doctor be a mother herself?

Of the two candidates that I'm considering, one is a mother and one (it appears) is not.  As a new mom, would it be beneficial for me to have a doctor who has been through it before and can add some personal-experience guidance to the process?

Thoughts please. =)

Kinda Boring.. and still klinda gross

Life is kind of boring right now.  Maybe this weekend I'll sit down and really do some good bloggin', but right now I just feel kinda blah and like "who wants to read that all I'm doing is going to work, coming home, eating and going to bed?".  We have done a pretty good amount of stuff around the house, and I do want to share some of that, but even the house setup has been put on hold for the last couple of weeks.

As you may remember, I had a wisdom tooth pulled, and then I got a sinus infection.  What you DIDN'T hear is that, just a few days after I got on the antibiotics for the infection, I came down with a cold.  So, for the last week I've had a sinus infection on the right side of my head, and a cold on my left.  It's been kind of interesting.  Not to go into too much gross detail, but nose blowing really illustrated the segregation of the two illnesses.

Thankfully I finished my antibiotics this morning, and my cold is finally subsiding a bit (I am now at the point where I can breathe and eat AT THE SAME TIME!).  I'm hoping to be completely better by the weekend, as I already have plenty of fun plans and I want to enjoy myself! 

Ugh

Life has been kind of gross the last couple of weeks.

About a week and a half ago I got one of my wisdom teeth pulled.  I've never had one pulled before, so I wasn't sure what to expect.  At the consultation the hygienist telling me about the procedure asked if I wanted to be put under complete or if I'd rather just go with a local anesthetic.  Since I've never done this before, I had NO idea.  She told me that since the tooth was a "partial" (already almost coming through the surface) it should be similar to any other tooth extraction (which I have had done before).  I told her that I would generally be ok with a local, however my concern was around my "white-coat syndrome"... i.e. I get really anxious in medical situations (I have a pretty long history of fainting... just from getting myself worked up).  The hygienist suggested that they could give me some nitrous to relax me during the procedure.  I thought this was a good idea, and it was decided.

Or so I thought.

On the day of the "surgery" I was already feeling pretty panicky and nervous.  When I got to the dentist they started sticking me with the local, but nothing was said about the nitrous.  Finally I asked about it, and the hygienist (a different one than at the consult) said that she thought I would be "fine" and that it "cost more" and she didn't think I'd need it.  Being the trusting, non-confrontational person that I am, I went with.  I put on my headphones, turned on some Snow Patrol and just tried to relax.  Tried being the key word here. 

The procedure was hideous.  So much pushing and pulling and yanking going on in my mouth.  I hated it.  I couldn't "feel" anything, but it was still really uncomfortable, but, I was (psychologically) doing ok.  And then it was done.  The dentist left the room, the hygienist sat me up and immediately the room started to "spin".  I asked to be laid back down, which she did and then left the room.  I tried to breathe deeply and relax, but it didn't work.  The next thing I knew, I was hearing the hygienist asking me what I was chewing on (I'd passed out and starting chewing on the gauze... I think I must have thought I had gum in my  mouth or something).  One of my arms was hanging on the side of the dental chair and my MP3 player was on the floor.  Everything was very fuzzy.  The hygienist quickly put an oxygen mask on me and a cool washcloth on my forehead.  I slowly started to feel a little better.  After several minutes I thought I was alright and asked to be sat up... bad idea... I started to feel woozy again, and asked to lay down again and to have the oxygen back.

I don't usually have TWO spells... but I was really close.  It took me about half an hour to finally get to a point where I was able to walk out of the dentist office, and even then I had to have Jacob support me a little bit (he showed up to get me just after I asked for the oxygen back).  Jacob drove me home and I curled up on the couch.  I was not really in much pain (never did end up using the vicodin I was prescribed) but, for anyone who has a history of fainting, you know how much that can take out of you!  I felt horrible for the next few hours.

For a couple of days after the surgery, I felt a weird "draining" coming from the hole.  At first I thought  maybe it was just saliva or some of the anesthesia stuff they'd injecting me with working it's way out of my system, but them it occurred to me that I thought I was a nasal drip.  I could also feel water in my nose whenever I swished water around the hole (it was really weird).  It went away after a couple of days, and at my post-op appointment I was told that I was healing well, and then I got on a plain to Vegas to celebrate a friend's birthday.

They next day I felt like shit... and have for several days now.  I went to the doctor yesterday afternoon and it turns out that I have a sinus infections (yay).  I'm on antibiotics now and starting to feel a bit better, but I'm just really tired of being "sick" (I have only worked 5 days out of the last 10... the vacation has been nice, but I'm over it).

So, for now, just... Ugh.  I hope I feel better tomorrow. =)

Ouch

I got one of my wisdom teeth removed today.... first one ever.  I'm not really pleased... but once I've feeling a bit better I'll dive into that a bit more. ;)  I also know that I'm behind on my 30-Day Challenge AND filling you all in on Jacob's surprise Valentine's date... hopefully I'll get everything caught up tomorrow or this weekend while I'm lying around healing. =)

30-Day Challenge

Last year around this time Jacob and I declared a "no-spend month".  For the entire month our goal was to not spend any money on anything that we didn't NEED (paying bills, buying groceries, etc. was o.k.--a new pair of shoes or an Old Navy shopping spree was NOT).

This year we have decided to do something similar... however since our focus has shifted from saving money to living a healthier lifestyle, we are having a "calorie count/no-going-out-to-eat month" (however, so that our social relationships don't suffer, we made an exception that if we were invited out, we could go... just couldn't make the invitation or grab something solo).  I'm hoping that by the end of the month we'll both have a better grasp on what we SHOULD be eating and what real portion sizes look like. =)  I have done calorie counts in the past and have dropped some definite poundage... so I'm hoping for similar results as well.

In addition to our food challenge, I also want to start writing/blogging more...  so, I've decided to make this a total self-exploration month and do a 30-Day Blog Challenge... one entry every day for the next thirty days.

There are a bunch of "challenges" around the blogosphere.  I looked at three of them, compared prompts, and picked my favorite 30 that I'll cover over the next 30 days (you can find those lists here, here and here).  I may also throw in some random house posts and maybe some more wedding recaps (does anyone still want to hear about these?).

So, without further ado:  Prompt #1:

A Picture of Myself With Ten Facts

This is one of my favorite photos of myself.  It was taken a couple of years back on a ferry heading out to Vancouver Island in British Columbia... which leads me into my facts:

1. I lived in British Columbia for a year while going to grad school at Simon Fraser University
2. I have both a BA and MA in Criminology - my focus has always been on preventing youth/young adult crime through life skills training
3. I currently work as a case manager for a local social service agency... I'm provide life skills training for youth/young adults... I'm doing what I love and what I believe in.... it feels awesome
4. I'm tall... 5'10"... makes it really difficult to buy pants (as I wear a 35-36" inseam) and slow dance (not many shoulders that I can easily rest my head on)
5. My goal is to see all 50 states before I die.  I'm a little over halfway there... I'm hoping to go to the Dakotas this summer.  Why?  'Cause I haven't been there yet. =)
6. I've spent time in 6 different countries (U.S., Canada, New Zealand, Australia, France, England)... I want to add some more to that list as well.
7. My first paid job was at age 12 as a writer for the local newspaper.  I wrote monthly columns for their "20Below" section (part of the paper written, photographed and illustrated by staffers under 20).  I was the youngest person EVER (before and after my term) on the staff.
8. I've been maced before... by my aunt!  It was an accident, but still funny to tell people. ;)
9. I have a phobia of people/things tampering with my (or other people's) veins.  It sounds weird, but it's true.  For the most part I can handle blood and guts... but if the story or personal experience has to do with a slashed or severed limb, or a blood draw or IV of any sort, chances are pretty good that I will either pass out or have to leave the room/end the conversation.  I passed out an had a small seizure the last time I got hooked up to an IV.  It's bad.  My doctor gave me anti-anxiety medication before I went in for my last blood draw. lol
10. I love chocolate... especially in ice cream.  That's going to be the hardest thing to conquer this month... not being able to gorge myself on Tillamook or Umpqua (but, in all honesty, they are partial to blame for my current situation! lol).