"Our pathologist has found that the lesion removed from your arm is benign. There is no Cancer."
I got the call during a meeting at work and had to let it go to voicemail. For the next hour all I could think about was listening to the message.
Checking my messages after work was when I finally started to panic a bit. "What if something IS wrong?" I hadn't allowed myself to go there. I just focused on the step-by-steps (doctor's appointment, surgery, waiting for the call) and never really thought about the "what ifs".
I was SO thankful when I heard the message. I sent Jacob a text, I called my mom... everything is ok. I didn't screw something up by waiting so long to get the "thing" on my arm checked out. I wasn't going to need to worry about more "next steps" (except getting the stitches out next week).
When the doctor told me a couple of weeks ago that this "thing" on my arm (that I've had for years) looked like it could be the beginning of cancer (though, not the "bad kind"... what, exactly is the "good" kind of cancer?) I put all of my fear aside and set things in motion. I scheduled surgery and tried not to think about it for a week. I laid on a table while they dug into me and cut out a chunk of my arm (and I didn't pass out! That, in itself is another win!). And then, for two days, I did my best not to think about the what ifs.
I never, ever want to have to do that again.