Sunday, February 20, 2011

Day Seventeen: Calling all Storks!

Your Biggest Fear
My goal is to catch up by the end of tomorrow... we'll see how it goes.  Time has just kind of gotten away from me the last couple of days.  But it's been for somewhat productive things, so I'm not feeling too bad about it.

Now for this prompt.  I've kind of been dreading writing about this, because it is a real fear that I have, and putting it into words for the world to see if kind of intimidating.  I kind of alluding to something with this post but, here it goes...

I'm afraid I may not be able to have children.

I really have no reason to be fearful of this.  My fertility has never come into question, however I still worry that once I decide that I finally AM ready for this next life step, I'll realize that it can't happen.  I've had some weird medical anomalies over me life (that have never been explained) and I worry that these COULD be related somehow to child bearing (again, absolutely no reason to believe that they would be).  I know that there are many other ways to have children, and I am definitely up for these other options.  In fact, when I was younger, I didn't even think that I wanted to actually have my own children, but rather adopt... and I still think about this from time to time, but I have also come to the realization that I want to experience pregnancy (not childbirth... I could do without that. lol).  I want to know what it feels like to have a little person growing inside of me, and I want to see what Jacob and I can create together (we are going to have some damn cute kids!) =)  

The more I want it, the more scared I get.  Am I alone with this one?  Or is it a common fear among new-parent-aged people?


Lauren said...

I don't think you're alone in this one. It hasn't been an issue for us, but we know so many people, including members of our immediate family, who have had problems. It's nice to know you're open to adoption. We also have friends who have gone this route and their bond is just as strong as a biological link.

Holly said...

Nope, you're not alone in this one. When we first felt ready to make the trek towards having kids (if you ever can really be "ready"), we knew we we were equally open to biological kids and adopted children. For us, we figured that God would orchestrate the best possible scenario for us, so we just decided to start pursuing both routes so we could see which one came to fruition first. We are thrilled about our baby girl, but had planned to start the adoption process this past winter as soon as I got a full time job (given that Matt was finishing up grad school). As it turns out, we were instead blessed with a half time job for me and then shortly after discovered that I was pregnant. Adoption is, however, our next planned step.